An Ode to “for here” cups

So I’m not a terribly “green” person. Not that I condone being wasteful, but I have to honestly admit that I haven’t yet purchased the reusable grocery bags, and I don’t take cold showers.

But there is one “green” item that I really do love:

The FOR-HERE coffee cup.

For this is what the for-here cup means to me-

- I have enough time to sit down and enjoy my coffee.

- I often am drinking it with someone else, sharing conversation, hopes, stories, and dreams.

- I just feel a little homier (is that a word?)

-It reminds me of the cups of coffee my dad brings to me as he wakes me up in the morning when I am at home.

- I’m not particularly on my way to anywhere else.

- yet, I don’t have to wash it..

- and I feel a little bit more- Oregonian, caring for the environment and things.

So, cheers to hot coffee in for-here cups!!!
That’s all for today.

AHHHHH! A snake!

Well, Blogging has become a little harder now that I don’t have internet at my house, but I’ve discovered a great new-to-me coffee shop called the Lost Bean in Tustin, and I’m stoked to have a place to sit and drink coffee and ramble out my thoughts.

i

I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged, but I’ve been thinking on this piece of scripture since a one of our pastors named Mike Kenyon preached at our church a couple sundays ago… He was preaching out of Exodus when God calls Moses to be a deliverer and upon Moses asking God to validate his message, God asks, “What’s in your hand?” Mike encouraged us to look at our lives and the things we deem ordinary in our lives that God might use, and let Him work through them. It was an encouraging and inspiring message for sure. But something he didn’t really talk about, but is in this Moses story, has been rattling around in my head ever since -

“The LORD said to him, ‘What is that in your hand?’ He said, ‘A staff.’ And he said, ‘Throw it on the ground’. So he threw it on the ground, and it became a serpent, and Moses ran from it.”

The part that keeps sticking out to me is not that God chose to use a stick, nor that God asked him to throw it down, but that he ran from it.

I keep thinking, “How often do we petition God to work in our lives, we complain that we don’t see Him moving, and once we finally lay it (whatever this abstract “it” may be) down, He does in fact move mightily, and we respond ever-so-gracefully-and-courageously… by RUNNING AWAY.

I don’t know about you, but I am the most frustrating of pray-ers because I dream for big things, I ask God for the miraculous, I impatiently ask and ask Him to do something in me, around me, or through me, but when God Almighty actually begins working, i am instantly terrified. When the dreams become a reality, but God is asking me to play a part in carrying them out, I run. I run far and fast. I pray for the lost, but when the opportunity comes for me to share the gospel with a stranger, I get cold sweats like I’ve just crossed paths with a python.

I’ve seen this over and over again in my life and others that I have walked alongside. God gives a passion, a dream, a calling, and we cry out to Him, “GOD!! How do I know this is You? How will anyone else know it’s You???” and, so, He answers, and suddenly our passion becomes something entirely different than we thought, something a little bit more out of control, something a little scarier, something a little more powerful….but something ONLY GOD COULD DO…and the temptation is to flee. Nevermind!! this is too much, it’s too scary, I’ll die, it’s gonna come back to bite me. I can’t do it….

And instead of validating our fears, or saying “you’re right…sorry…’ll turn your passion into a teddy bear that you can cuddle,” God responds saying, “Put your hand out and catch it by the tail.”

It is God who turns your stick into a story. It is God who places power in your passions. These great things come at the cost of courage, courage to let God be in control, to devote yourself to a calling that might bite you if not for God’s good protection, and pick it up and start walking.

just some thoughts for today….

anybody ever feel like this with a calling or passion?

my life today.

Alright, I’ve succumbed to answering one of those fill in the blank question things. And though I usually think these are lame, I’ve enjoyed it. So if it gets you to take a second and slow down and reflect on what’s going on and who’s important in your life, then maybe you should blog one too.
If not, you’re more than welcome to read about what’s going on in my life…

Where is your cell phone? On my desk…I know where it is for once!!
Where is your significant other?  At home, watching the NBA channel, that just got turned on to his great joy. He’s a great one! I agree with my friend alex who said, “you’re dating Nick? God must be quite fond of you.” Amen.
Your hair color? Sometimes I think it’s brown, other times I think it’s blonde. Maybe that’s why I’ve never dyed it, it’s already creative enough on its own.
Your mother? Wonderful, energetic, changing lives, mom and friend all wrapped up in one.
Your father? My hero…he always seems to know exactly what to say or not to say at any given moment. He makes me feel precious.
Your favorite thing? How about a few: walks on the beach with Nick. Hanging with Jesus at coffee shops (especially ones that overlook the beach). Worship. Watching my soccer girls light up when they start to believe in themselves. Hot tubs after a good workout. Bend.
Your dream/goal?  To know Him, to be known by Him, to make Him known.
The room you’re in? My bedroom still decked out with bunkbeds at age 23.
Your hobby? Overcommitment.
Your fear? Missing what God’s doing… and, the Tower of Terror and Disneyland.
Where do you want to be in 6 years? I really don’t know. I’d kinda like to be out of Southern California. I’ve enjoyed it here, but 6 more years of traffic…I don’t know if I can take it.
Where were you last night? The Rusty Pelican –Marina front restaurant in Newport Beach, with Nick’s boss Anne Ortland. We heard wonderful stories from her 60ish years in ministry – everything from her first date with Ray to her worst discipleship group ever.
Then, Nick and I went to Keen’s coffee shop and talked about our dreams in life, and what God might do with us, or what we might get to do with Him. It was a great night.
What you’re not? Tall, decisive, a marathoner (I can’t figure out what is fun about that), bored, an insomniac.
One of your wish list items? a new or remodeled shoulder.
The last thing you did? Took a shower after coaching my soccer team, turns out I need a shower after coaching almost as much as I did after playing…I get excited… and it’s still almost 100 degrees down here. (what happened to fall??)
What are you wearing? Nick’s UCI sweatshirt, it is so big and soft. Hooray for comfy Sundays.
Your tv? Our last two that we had at the house conked out within a week of each other, so now we have one that travels from the living room to Jacko and Hilary’s room at random. I’m not terribly attached to it anyway.
Your pet? Sadly, I don’t have one. But I dogsit enough for pastors at RH, that I kinda feel like I can take part ownership of Clark or Mocha. Yeah! After spending a night on the kitchen floor sleeping next to mocha’s bed so she would stop howling on her first night with her family gone, I think I can somewhat claim her as my dog.
Your computer? A new macbook – the black one. I’ve converted and I love it!! Much thanks to the birthday $$ from my soccer parents, and biola classifieds, for finding a new owner for my old comp.
Your mood? Tired – surprise surprise.  But also thankful, because I have more than I could ever have hoped for.
Missing someone? Yeah – my parents in Bend – a lot! And my bro and Jamie in Idaho! I want to play chase with David!
Favorite store? Target. Hands down. Marshalls comes in second place.
Your summer? Fast. Hot. Many shifts at Starbucks. Included an awesome trip to Bend with Nick to meet my fam.
Love someone? Yep – Nick Fox
Your favorite color? Red – as always.
Last time you cried? I’m getting great at crying. After 22 years of not doing it, the floodgates have broken. Sorry to those who have to bear it with me now. But I cried sometime this week…maybe Wednesday.
Last time you laughed: Last night at the Rottschaffers – Nick + Wylan = Hilarious!!!

Well. I don’t normally do these things, but once again Bo inspired me.
Thanks for listening. I enjoyed thinking about my life and what’s important to me, and what kind of things I can be thankful for – it was an altogether good experience for a Sunday afternoon.

Your turn. Answer a couple at least.

What in the world am I saying?

So, this pastor/theologian/overall rad man of God named Don Williams wrote up a study on the book of Mark that I happened to get a copy of on my computer. (a light little thing – it’s only 102 word documents of 6-15pages each).

So, I’m moving right along….still on #1, but something he wrote really caught my attention as Don was commenting on John the Baptist. He writes,

“…vast crowds come down to the Jordan confessing their sins and receiving John’s baptism. His dress and diet reflect the severity of his message: With camel’s hair and a leather girdle, he looks like Elijah. His ministry (baptism) and his manner (dress) are for the sake of his message: One is coming more powerful that John. “

This was the part that really struck me: His ministry and his manner are for the sake of his message. I’ve often thought about how each person seems to have a (or maybe a couple) central messages -or soapbox topics as I call them – that seem to keep bubbling up in their journals, thoughts, conversations and even sermons. For example – One of my pastor Mike’s soapbox topics is “In our lives there must be no distinction between the sacred and the secular” – meaning, that we aren’t to do spiritual stuff in our lives, we are people of the Spirit. God shoud and does consume the Christian’s life…yes, He is concerned with our morning “quiet times” and YES, he is also concerned with our morning teethbrushing, our 45 minute commute to work, our ministry as a preacher or equally as much our ministry as plumber. We must allow God to make all things spiritual, and let nothing become secular-separate from God…regardless of the apparent significance of the task.

But, anyway, I say this to illustrate the idea of a soapbox topic. You can’t go to our church for very many weeks without hearing this powerful mini-sermon. Regardless of whether we are preaching on the purpose of the church, the Holy Spirit, Money, or sex (Song of Solomon series…yes, we even talk about sex in our church) – you hear this message. I believe it is a passion that God has implanted in this pastor’s heart, because it’s a message that the people in his sphere of influence need to hear.

John the Baptist had a very significant soapbox topic – Repent, turn your life around, because the kindgom of God is at hand. God is near, and the Messiah is coming.
Who knows what the exact words were that day after day John said as he stood ankle deep in the Jordan, calling people to a new life. I imagine he said more than this one sentence over and over, but his life’s message was summmarized by the writers of the gospels as they all record John saying Repent. Be Baptized. The Kingdom is at hand. The Messiah is coming. He’ll baptize you with the Holy Spirit.

Johns words, but also His life, proclaimed a clear message.

His ministry (baptism) and his manner (his dress, his location, etc), were for the sake of his message.

Inevitably this statement leads me to some convicting questions:

What is the message that God has given me to deliver to my sphere of influence?

Is that message declared by my ministry? (a.k.a. my job, my involvement in church, where I spend my time…)

Is that message declared by my manner? (could you look at my life and see that same message?)

What is my world hearing when they look at my life? What in the world am I saying?

I’ve Converted

Sometimes, I think it takes a change, or something new to get me motivated again. So in the name of motivation to blog (and because I think it is a little bit better), I’ve moved my blog here to wordpress.

So, hopefully new posts are on the way.

california keri?

It has officially been forever since I’ve blogged… A problem I continually vow to change, but practically can’t seem to make happen. But I suppose in blogdom, change happens one post at a time.
So, I was doing my usual somewhat infrequent tour-o-blogs of my friends in Bend, and after reading some inspiring and altogether too-challenging (if that’s possible) posts written by my friend Bo Stern, I went looking over her blog and scanned through the links. Much to my suprise and excitement, I found my own name on her list of links…however, I was slightly shocked, and a little miffed to find that I had been named “California Keri.”

Something inside of me kicks against being keri FROM california. It is the same part of me that refuses to trade in my oregon plates and license for CA ones though I’ve lived here five years now. It’s the same part of me that determines to refer to soft drinks as “pop” even at the cost of much ridicule from my local friends. It’s the part of me that says, “uhh” before I answer the question “where are you from?” It’s the part that still studders when refering to la mirada as home. My heart strings seem to be unseverable (i think I just made that word up), from the beautiful town of Bend. I’m not sure if it’s my family, my friends there, the beautiful scenery, the chill down-to-earth culture, the memories of things God has done in my life there, my never dying passion for God’s movement at Mountain View, or very likely the combination of all things above that keep my heart attached to that town “in the middle of nowhere” (according to So. Cal people).

The california is starting to seep in, however. I-5, has permenately become “the five” for me and all other freeways followed suit. I think that 60 degree days are chilly, and my shoe wardrobe now includes, and is dominated by the near-daily worn rainbow sandals. When I come to bend for christmas, I get asked how I got so tan. And… to top it all off… I have a season pass to Disneyland…Yes, I can sail down splash mountain nearly every day of the year if I please.

I’ve often wondered why I am so hesitant to embrace Southern California, or why I take such pride when people ask me “you aren’t from here, are you?” And though, I think I’ll never really kick my desire to be back in beautiful Bend, I am starting to see that my longing for something else keeps me from embracing what God has for me now. My passion for bend has turned into an arrogance against southern california.
I don’t want to be someone who gets so caught up in what’s coming next, or where I’ve been before that I miss out on what’s before me in that moment. As I look at the life of Jesus, I see One who lived so radically in the moment. Of course, he was conscious of the past, and his role in salvation history, and he talked frequently about the kingdom of God and things to come, but practically, he lived his life so intently in the now. He stopped to heal the blind beggars, He paused to hug the children, he fielded questions from disciples, and religous pharisees, even late into the night. He, at one moment is Jesus of Nazareth, and then the man from Galilee, one who came from Egypt, and one who had his heart fixed on Jerusalem.
I long to be more like Christ, consumed with what God has set before me for each day, attentive enough to recognize His movement and work, but not ashamed to long for a better place (even better than bend).

So for now, I’m here, until He says otherwise. So Bo, I’m no more offended by my title on your links. God has me here in California today, and so far as I know for tomorrow too. Maybe someday, it’ll change to Back in Bend Keri, or Off to the nations Keri, or God bless Texas Keri (though I kinda hope not), but for now, because it’s God’s great plan for me, I’m thankful to be,
“California Keri”

goodnight

Tightrope

Get ready…this is a long one.

It is amazing how the things that I come to God so frustrated about, are the very things that He speaks so much comfort into. The funny thing, however, is that I usually come to Him (emotionally speaking at least) looking for sympathy, like you might get from your best friend or your mom. I half-desire Him to respond, “yeah Keri, that really sucks. I can’t believe life has shaped up for you this way. What a bummer! This situation really isn’t going your way. I am sorry about that. I wish I could do something to change it…well, what do you know? I’m God Almighty! Let me fix that for you!” And, then life would proceed, happily ever after.

Yet, because I approach a God that is so much greater and wiser than the one my emotions and imagination sometimes wish to appeal to, He responds very differently. His poignant truth-answers feel all at once, like a punch to the kidney, and, as my cousin Brandy so eloquently says, “a bath on the inside.” (The feelings usually come in that order too – first, punch, then bath.)

So here is tonight’s version:
I’ve been attending these intensives (our fancy names for classes) at RockHarbor (our fancy name for church), and have found myself leaving these classes with more questions than answers usually. Not at all to discredit the courses – they are amazing, but it seems like any good class I’ve taken simply sparks an idea, or whets my pallet to some delicious topic, and then ends before I can even scratch the surface.

In the worship leading class, Todd talked about how our human hearts are so bent toward idolatry, that even worship of God throughout history has digressed into idolatry. For example, the golden calf dilemma was not birthed out of a God-less moment. It was the horribly degrading attempt of God’s people to shrink down their Object of worship (An untamable, God who described Himself as “completely Other (holy)”, and an “All-Consuming Fire”, among other things) into something they could both understand and manage. We proceeded to talk about how even our worship today in church can digress into idolatry. The worship leaders can become idols, the songs can become idols, the “feeling” or “fix” that we get when we worship can even become an idol. I left the meeting both challenged, but also somewhat saddened. I was challenged to do all that I can to keep my heart pure, to humble myself before God and get out of the way, and to relentlessly try to point the attention to God alone, not to me, not to songs, not to feelings, but to Him. But I also was so saddened that even the “good things,” even the “God-stuff” isn’t safe. If worship can lead me (and the church at large) into sin, and not just any sin, but the sin of idolatry (breaking the FIRST commandment for crying out loud), then we are doomed! Even our best efforts can lead to death. How depressing.

So what can you do after a class like that? I do the only thing I can think of: head to the beach, to soak up the sun, ride my bike down the strand, enjoy some cheesecake-on-a-stick, all the while trying to shake off the depressing stuff, and enjoy God’s creation.

But…the conversation isn’t over. Tonight, I attend yet another intensive, this one titled Pastoring 101 (but really is stuff every Christian needs to hear). And, it’s really the same story. Much of our conversation tonight centered around the fact that we are so prone to stray from a genuine loving relationship with God. This is horribly detrimental for pastors/ministers, because you begin to try to give to others out of an empty self, and again….we’re off and running toward idolatry, (whether we’re worshipping ourselves, worshipping a pastor, etc.) It starts out good, we realize we’re messed up, we run to Jesus, He saves us, we realize His goodness, and desire to share that with others. This “sharing it with others” becomes our ministry, and then instead of being the Source, and the Goal, Jesus becomes the means to fuel our ministry – with self-help, or helping others, or a satisfying life, or praise, or whatever else as the goal. Goal –a.k.a. idol.

So again, I leave saddened. Worship leading, might lead to idolatry. Pastoring, might lead to idolatry… crap. We’re in trouble. (I know this sounds extreme, obviously, I don’t believe that these ALWAYS lead or idolatry, or even most of the time, but the fact that they can, still freaks me out.)
As we bow our heads to pray, I pray a different prayer than the pastor leading the intensive. (Sorry, I wasn’t listening to the prayer). It went something like this.

“God. This is so frustrating. I feel destined to fail. Even the best of callings/jobs/ministries, whatever you want to call them, can lead to the most horrible of sins. It seems like there is no safe place.
Honestly, I feel like I’ve been forced to walk from here to heaven on this tightrope. Below me is a bottomless gulf just waiting for me to surrender to endless failure. One tiny mistake, even a sneeze could dismount me from this Christian lifeline and it’s over. (I sound so bleak huh? It seems worse in writing, for some reason I feel ok telling God these sorts of things). No one can make it.

He answered, (first with the punch). You’re right, you won’t make it. You are right, your fallen heart is bent toward worshipping other things. But, here’s the truth. You aren’t the one who’s supposed to be walking this line.
(you can see it coming now.) (Here’s the bath on the inside) – Jesus can, and did. Now, your job is to climb into a wheelbarrow, and let Him push you across. Remember He is God, remember He doesn’t fail, and yes, I’m serious, sit in a wheelbarrow over an endless gulf, and be pushed (without your control) atop a wobbling rope, by the only One who could ever master it. Do you believe I am who I say I am?

The only way you fail, or fall is if you climb out of the wheelbarrow (Spirit-filled life, made possible by Jesus). All at once it is so safe and feels so not-safe. Ah, the life lived as God plans.
I’m not terribly comfortable in the wheelbarrow, I’d prefer a 747(and where’s the trust in that?), but He is God and I am not, and this is how it works. So I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith, and let Him push me along, because, I know I can’t do it, but I’m assured He can.

“Oh, foolish Galatians… having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh??”

and that, my friends…is the gospel, in circus form.

(so after thinking about it, it might be better to liken the feeling I get when God hits me with truth to the setting of a broken bone. Definitely painful, but so necessary, and completely good. God is very concerned with resetting the disjointed views we have of Him, ourselves and the world. For that, I praise Him, so wise, so good.)

I walk the line

Luke 8:40-56
“Now when Jesus returned, the crowd welcomed him, for they were all waiting for him. And there came a man named Jairus, who was a ruler of the synagogue. And falling at Jesus’ feet, he implored him to come to his house, for he had an only daughter, about twelve years of age, and she was dying.”
(49) “While he was still speaking, someone from the ruler’s house came and said, ‘Your daughter is dead; do not trouble the Teacher anymore.”
Upon reading this story this morning, it struck me how limited our faith is.
I am sure that the people from the Jairus’ house were very supportive of him going to find Jesus to heal his daughter from this horrible sickness. They most likely believed that if He just came to her, He was entirely able to stop the fatal sickness right in its tracks and that she would be made well. But, the moment that the child dies, they give up hope and tell him to stop bothering Jesus any longer. They have faith that He has power over sickness, but not over death.
Now, I don’t mean to sound arrogant. I would have a very hard time actually believing that Jesus would come and raise one of my family members from the dead. It is just interesting how up to a certain point, we have great faith in God, and what He is able and even willing to do. But we draw these lines in the sand, and if he does not cross them, or does not cross them as soon as we’d like, or in the way we’d like, our faith cries “uncle” and we give up right on the spot. We disguise our lack of faith, insisting that we are “bothering” Jesus with our requests, and claiming that He is much too high and far off to be concerned with our respectively small problems.
It is amazing how faith is the exception, and how our hearts are so miserably bent toward doubt.

Lord I believe, help my unbelief.
will you erase the lines I’ve drawn?

Back to the Grind

The term “Back to the Grind” has an all new meaning this year. I’ve made the switch from the mostly-bored shoulder-surgery, and coach-with-one-arm-for-a-living fall to a new year that currently involves 16 or 17 hour workdays in three different jobs. I still coach, but now with two arms. But I decided to add not only a long-term-substitute job on, but I’ve recently become a Starbucks barista.
I know, I’ve joined the monster corporation that is taking over the world, but I needed health insurance and they have great benefits even for part-time employees (or as Starbucks calls us “partners”). So, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?
It has been really nice to show up to work and to just make something I love (namely coffee) to give to other people. The best part is, there’s not much to screw up. I mean, it’s just coffee. It’s not grades, or soccer careers, or college scholarships, or life-altering injuries. It is just coffee. If someone doesn’t like it, I just make them another one, and they’re out the door and on their way.
Sometimes, I want to tell the other bustling Southern Californians that “it’s just coffee” when they get unbelievably upset that their “Venti, decaf skinny vannilla latte, extra hot with no foam” has a tiny bit of foam that squeaked into the cup during my rookie-style, not-entirely-perfect pour of their nonfat 180 degree milk. It’s funny how upset people get about coffee. I guess people like things the way they like them.

It has got me thinking about what God has been talking with me about lately. I have been thinking and praying a lot about the idea of comfort and how it is often tied to compromise. I am so frequently in pursuit of my own comfort, even at the expense of others. But the thing about being a Christian is that comfort has to be nothing more than a bonus. When we are freed from slavery from sin, we sometimes stop thinking about it there, forgetting that we are freed from sin, in order to be freed to be bondservants of Christ. The standard for slaves is sacrifice, not really comfort.
When I cling too tightly to my own comforts, I end up compromising. I compromise time with God in the morning for sleep. I compromise time helping a friend who is discouraged for just going home and relaxing on my couch. I compromise the chance to show a high school girl I care by going to some goofy team event because I want to be comfortable. I want my comfortable saturday doing what I want to do.
Comfort is wonderful, but from now on it must be a bonus. And bonuses are something that make you excited. I guess, my little coffee job has showed me more than how to make a Venti-decaf-extra-hot-vanilla-latte.

It’s just coffee. It’s just comfort.
therre are more important things in life. He is worth every ounce of sacrifice.
there will be a day for endless comfort

wonderful wintertime walkin.

So…these are pictures straight from the middle of my hometown. This river runs right through the middle, and it is absolutely gorgeous. It is a phenominal change from the concrete jungle of So. Cal. It was really nice to be at home for Christmas break.

I just went out walking alone one afternoon along the Deschutes river, and realized how priceless times like that are. It is so refreshing to walk through the snow along a pristine river, pulling out my little camera every once in a while in hopes to capture the moment. It’s never quite the same in a picture, but these are pretty good snapshots of that beautiful afternoon.
It’s crazy how even as a young person, with no family to look after, and really not even holding a “real job” I still don’t take enough times like this to just walk through nature, talk with Jesus about all of the wonderful things He’s made, and wonder at creation like little children do.
I have often thought that it is funny that “solitude” and “silence” were considered disciplines. I really have always thought of those as benefits, or unexpected blessings in life. But this walk reminded me that rest and refreshment is available for those who take it.

There is still something to be said about this “sabbath” idea.

How amazing and unique is this ice on these rocks….and when was the last time anyone cared? It’s funny how stopping to just see, and care about something so trivial, and short-lived as ice on some rocks, changed my entire day and my perspective.

So I guess, I’m mostly just preaching to myself…to remember to take some moments to enjoy creation, to walk by the rivers and be lead by still waters. He still does restore my soul.

so if anyone knows of any beautiful places near La Mirada…let me know-